all alone

Tonight is my first real night alone with both kids, trying to get them both to sleep.
I am so scared.
Sunday was a trial run, my mom was here to help for part of the night. Things were going so smoothly too. It was around 8:15, we thought Kekoa was asleep, Malia was wrapped in the Moby. So, my mom left, and then things fell apart. I even sent Scott a text that said, "wow, both kids asleep". And not more than a few minutes later, another text that said, "oh no, Kekoa crying for me."
Usually, Kekoa will put himself to sleep, even if he is calling for me. Sunday was not one of those nights. He crawled off his bed, and came looking for me, tears streaming down his face. "Mommy, I was calling for you and you didn't come", is what he told me between his sobs. Of course, this instantly made me cry too. So, all 3 of us ended up in our bed, Malia still in the Moby, Kekoa with his head on my lap, me sitting up, crying, feeling so bad. I was able to transfer Malia out of the Moby around 9:30 and then fall asleep with Kekoa on the bed. Not a pleasant evening.

So, I am really scared about tonight. Malia has her crying, witching hour the same time that Kekoa also really needs me to help him get ready for bed. Last night, we figured out that Kekoa is also really scared of the dark right now. He is scared of the lions in his room. Last night, after I turned his light on dim (he does also have an LED candle in his room), he fell asleep. He is napping right now with the light on in his room too. I'm crossing my fingers that leaving the light on will work again tonight. The tricky thing is getting Malia to sleep and to stay asleep while I tuck Kekoa into bed.

I need to keep telling myself...I can do this! I gave birth naturally...twice...I can do anything, right??