worst mom moment

My little monkey, Kekoa, has a bad case of pink eye and an ear infection.  It explains why two nights ago he woke up crying with a raging fever.  The fever went away as soon as we got him out of his pj's so I didn't bother going to the doctor.  This morning was another story, both his eyes were goopy and puffy red.

I took him to the doctor this morning, a long morning of waiting at the doctor and then waiting again at Walgreens for his medicine.  He wanted to accompany me to Walgreens, said, "I just want you mama" when I offered to drop him off at home.  He actually likes his antibiotics this time but wouldn't let me put the eye drops in this evening....which leads to my worst mom moment ever.

I tried to hold Kekoa down to put the eye drops in.  It was the worst, I can still see his face, so scared and wondering why I was holding his arms and legs.  I didn't get the eye drops in and he was just so upset, couldn't stop crying which made his eye swell shut.  That totally freaked him out, that he couldn't see out of his eye.  He kept telling me, "I can only see out of 1 eye", while holding up 1 finger....so sad.  Of course I started crying too, telling him how sorry I was.  We were in his bedroom and he kept telling me how sorry he was that he was crying and that he didn't want to wake up his baby sister...soooo sad.  Kekoa is just such a sweet boy, kept telling me "I just love you so much mama" and trying to snuggle in closer, which made me feel even worse, more guilty.  I just hope this isn't one of those moments he will remember forever.